w how annoying it is when you’re looking for one source of
mother-in-law jokes but you have to go through all the bother of going
to google, typing in “mother-in-law jokes” and then visiting like the
first three or four sites to get what you need? Nightmare!
Well, no more. We’ve done all of the preparatory work (googling,
copying) and can now present an incredible compendium of mother-in-law
jokes all in one place – no googling required (unless you googled to get
here).
Enjoy!
Looking for the jokes we commissioned? Here’s the top five:
We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of
the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said,
“Alright, get your coat.” Dave Spikey
We got a new car for the mother-in-law – that Government scrappage scheme is great! Marc Whiteley
Getting my mother-in-law to accept a free foreign holiday was easy.
The hard part was convincing her Dignitas was Swiss for spa. Sean Lindsay
My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog. Gary Delaney
STEVE: My Mother-in-law went to the Caribbean. FRED: Jamaica?
STEVE: Well I hope so, it’s hurricane season and she’s a horrible
person. Stephen Holford
How do they compare to some of the ones that have been around for ages? Let us know your thoughts…
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I’m not saying the mother-in-law’s ugly but she went to see that
film the Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal
appearance.
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AN anagram of mother-in-law is woman Hitler.
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HOW many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?
One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.
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WHAT’S the difference between a mother-in-law and a vulture?
The vulture waits until you’re dead before it eats your heart out.
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DID you hear about the man who threw his mother-in-law into the lion’s den at the zoo?
He’s being sued by the RSPCA for cruelty to animals.
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TWO cannibals were sitting down eating lunch.
One says to the other: “You know, I just can’t stand my mother-in-law.”
The other replies: “Just put her to the side and eat the mash.”
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WHAT are the two worst things about your mother-in-law?
Her faces.
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HOW many mothers-in-law does it take to ruin a marriage?
Just one…mine!
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LAST week my wife and I went to buy a car and the salesman asked if
I wanted an airbag. I said: “No thanks. I already have a
mother-in-law.”
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LAWYER to his client: “Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?”
Son-in-law: “Take no chances ? order all three.”
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A BIG-GAME hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One night the couple woke to find the
mother gone. In a clearing not far from the camp they came upon a
chilling sight, the mother-in-law was backed up against a tree with a
snarling lion facing her.
The wife said: “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said the husband. “The lion got himself into this mess, he can get himself out of it.”
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FIRST man: “My mother-in-law is an angel.” Second man: “You’re lucky fella, mine’s still alive.”
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MY mother-in-law is a big woman. She got
run over last week. The driver said he had enough room to get around her
but he didn’t have enough petrol.
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I ALWAYS know when it’s the mother-in-law knocking at the door because the mice start throwing themselves on the traps.
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A MAN finds a lamp, rubs it, and a genie
appears. The genie tells the man he may have two wishes ? but whatever
he gets, his mother-in-law will get double. The man thinks for a while
and says: “First I’d like a million Pounds. Then beat me half to death.”
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BEHIND every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
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